Giving Up

If my Jewish journey has taught me anything, it’s to never give up.

Yesterday I wrote about Mitzrayim as a metaphor of sorts- a kind of painful spiritual or emotional exile which leaves us feeling trapped and enslaved. Throughout my life I feel that I have spent a lot of time in Mitzrayim. I’ve worked hard and been blessed with the ability to carry on with life when I felt unable to. And yet, a little while ago I started questioning my observance.

This wasn’t like the other times when I questioned by observance. When I wondered if keeping Shabbes was really necessary, or if I could deal with another judgemental person pushing me away from Judaism. I questioned the very essence of G-d and I truly believed that He had forgotten me. I didn’t want to go off the derech for material reasons- I just couldn’t carry on any more.

And yet I’ve started to think, and I don’t believe this can be the case. Since I came to this difficult conclusion Hashem has shown me more miracles than I can count. If it’s a coincidence, it’s certainly a very amazing one: but I don’t think it can be. I think Hashem is trying to tell me something.

He’s not telling me that if I lose my faith, he’ll show me miracles to bring me back. Nor is he telling me that the future will be bright and beautiful and amazing. Maybe He’s even a little angry at me for doubting that He cared. But I think He’s telling me that I can’t give up now, after I’ve fought so hard and come so far – giving up just isn’t an option.

And so I look once again at the blessings in my life and the wonders and miracles I have seen, and I make a conscious decision to carry on. I will never give up.

2 thoughts on “Giving Up

  1. I believe we all have our own personal Mitzrayim or galus, a time where we are exiled and tested. I find that it’s those times which help me grow in the ways that I need to grow in order to be ready for whatever is coming next.

    For some, that exile is a real, physical reality, like being lost in the mountains. For others, it is something that happens in their life that shakes their faith to its very core, like a death or illness. For still others, it might be the temptation of a life that draws them away from their spiritual ideals. Whatever form it takes, though…I feel like we all have those seasons where we feel separated from where we want and need to be and long for deliverance, to be brought up out of that separation.

    I think the lesson of Shemos is to never lose hope and to always await that deliverance and work toward it. As we work through these smaller exiles and see them resolved, we prepare for the greater exile to be resolved by Moshiach.

    Liked by 1 person

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