A Healthy Relationship

Recently, I went through what can only be described as a faith crisis. It felt heart breaking. It felt frustrating. It felt ironic. Ironic that I, the woman who has a whole website full of chizuk- two websites in fact- and a group dedicated to faith and inspiration, and who hopes to have been there for countless others when they had their own faith crises- was sitting here, crying into her siddur, and doubting G-d. It felt a bit like living a lie.

And yet, here I was. Then as time passed, I realised that perhaps we all had crises, and perhaps it was a part of being human, and perhaps my relationship with G-d was like any other relationship.

Healthy relationships include arguments. Disagreements, losses of faith, quarrels- call them what you like, every relationship has them, including your relationship with a Higher Power. And no matter what happens to me down on earth, this Higher Power remains the same- unchanged, and still loves me and forgives me for doubting Him (it took a very wise woman to remind me of this).

Crises end and life resumes. My life has chamged, but G-d hasn’t. What’s most important is that I’ve learned not to judge myself for these tremors. They are normal, and if it weren’t for these moments- or, let’s face it, days- when I felt G-d had abandoned me, then perhaps there would be something wrong with my faith, something unintelligent, unquestioning even.

At the end of the day, no matter what we have said and done, G-d is still there, and still loves us.

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14 thoughts on “A Healthy Relationship

  1. One of the things I dearly love about Judaism is that it is ok, even encouraged to wrestle with one’s faith. It’s ok to be angry or disappointed, even when the object of that anger or disappointment is Hashem. I have argued and pleaded in my own personal prayers. I’ve angrily asked Hashem, why? Why is this happening (whatever this is)? The way I view it is that I am a child here, upset at something I can’t possibly understand, that’s beyond my own ability to understand. I’m crying out to a parent who can see the whole picture, but can’t possibly explain it to me in ways I could understand right now. For now, I just hurt and I don’t understand why and I’m upset.

    I picture Hashem patiently holding me as I rant and rail and cry, like I held my own children as they were given shots. I couldn’t explain to them why this was a good thing to them and how my heart broke as they looked at me as if I had betrayed them by allowing such a painful thing to happen.

    I sometimes imagine that Hashem must also look down at us, hurting with us, even as He allows what must happen to happen and that He is there, holding us even as we cry out in anger or pain. I also keep in mind that one day, this will all end and we will see everything clearly and we will understand, but for now, we’re like small children, just crying out and raging when the pain comes. May it be relieved soon and may the time when all things are made right come soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whatever happens, and things do happen, repeat to yourself: “Ani Ma’amin b’Emuna Sheleima!”
    Remember, it’s Na’ase v’Nishmoh – we will do and we will hear. If you keep reaffirming your faith to yourself, your faith will strengthen YM”H!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m looking to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

    Liked by 1 person

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