Tu B’Av

Another Tu B’Av has passed, only this year, it wasn’t the happiest day on the calendar. Perhaps it’s not permitted to be sad on such a joyous day, but amidst all the flowers and greetings and statements I’ve heard- some despairing, most smug, all disheartening- I’ve found it hard to smile and rejoice. I’ve dwelt upon the past, and I’ve prayed G-d to help me, but sadness remains.

I know that words hold an immense power, but I’m not sure if it’s superstitious for me to wonder if all those times I swore I’d never want to marry left me in this state. Perhaps my vow not to marry was heard by G-d, and perhaps He has decided to teach me a lesson about my words. Perhaps that’s why I sit here, now, reflecting on 15th Av, and wishing it were my turn to say “Soon by you”.

They say man isn’t supposed to be alone, but I’m going to hazard a guess and say that women aren’t supposed to be, either. One thing I know for sure, is that it hurts to be alone when you were happy just a short while ago.

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7 thoughts on “Tu B’Av

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling sad on Tu b’Av. I am sorry that you’ve lost the happiness you had; that’s a hard challenge to bear. However, in Judaism. we don’t say “man shouldn’t be alone” – it’s “no one be should be alone.” Yes, H-shem listen’s to the word of Tzaddikim, and “where a Baal T’shuva stands, the greatest Tzaddik does not stand,” which seems to indicate that you had said it, and He heard it, but He also welcomes T’shuva in more ways than one. Look at Yosef’s brothers making t’shuva – as a reward, they merited to become the heads of Tribes of Isroel. Once you sincerely understand that,either unknowingly or in deep distress, you had said something that contradicted one of the basic tenets of Judaism, H-shem will undoubtedly listen and accept!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s a true act of loving-kindness to share so bravely and honestly. “I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear. my courage is reborn.” -Anne Frank

    Keep writing. Keep Sharing ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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