For many people I know, davening is the immediate reaction to a difficult day; to a tragedy; and to a great success. For me, it never came so easily. I was always too caught up in day to day worries, in how I was going to cope with a difficult situation, to think to talk to Hashem. In retrospect, it seems obvious. Hashem can create a world in six days; why would I try to fix all my problems by myself when He is waiting to hear from me, every minute of the day?
And yet, it’s difficult to accept this. I like to think I’m am independent person. This means, however, that I have a background in dealing with my own problems. Turning to someone else didn’t occur to me. Of course, Hashem isn’t just someone else. He is our Creator; our Father; our King. And so, I daven.
The other day, I was having a hard time and felt very overwhelmed. I felt alone. I felt useless and helpless. And then I put down the telephone and picked up my siddur. I recited Tehillim and mumbled prayers. And after a while, I felt better. I felt a sense of clarity. Above all, I felt that the future was in Hashem’s hands- and I was ok with that.
Today, I brought home a new siddur. A siddur which, I felt, would stay with me no matter what path I took, what roads I found myself walking. After I finished davening with it for the first time, I thought to write this article. Truly, the siddur is much, much more than the sum of it’s parts. Here’s to hoping I only experience happy occasions with this one!