It’s been a long day.
I open my book of Tehillim and, to my surprise, the words leap out of the pages. They connect with my neshomo as I utter them and strengthen my emunah as they flit through my mind. I’m surprised as I read ten Tehillim without stopping, then another ten.
Later, when I daven mincha, the same thing happens. I close my eyes and feel Hashem’s presence. It’s a surprising feeling. Invigorating. But sadly, it’s not something I often experience. And I know why. Today is a difficult day. Between sorrows and illnesses and pain and stress, there’s a lot to daven for. And I feel that that’s why I connect.
I don’t like this. It feels wrong. As if I only bother to connect with G-d when I want to plead a special favour. It’s not true, of course- I always try and put myself into my tefillos, but I realise now that I need to work on davening. I need to work on connecting. What does that mean? More chizuk? More time? A new siddur? I don’t know, but whatever it takes, I’m going to do it.
So in a strange way, my bad day taught me a lot about my relationship with G-d.