As Yom Kippur approaches fast, I can’t help but think about how I’ll be spending the day. Hashem knows I can’t observe it this year. Not in the way I want to. I’m Orthodox, why am I not taking the day off, spending it in Shul, fasting, and wearing white? Why am I acting like the ordinary person on the street? Do I somehow think I’m above all this? That I haven’t sinned? That I needn’t ask for atonement?
I don’t. I know I need Your mercy and forgiveness, Hashem. I need it now more than ever. I’m so desperately in need of Your chesed, Your loving kindness. I want to ask You to forgive me. I’m sorry I’m not observing this day, Your Holy day of atonement, in the way I should be. I’m so sorry and I hope you realise why. I’m sorry for all those times I’ve sinned in private, not observing Your shabbes the way I should or Your yontiff in the way I ought to. I’m sorry for not heeding Your word when I needed to, for not having emunah when I could have, for not showing enough kindness to everyone around me, for not reciprocating when everyone has been so unfailingly wonderful to me this year and the last. I know I don’t deserve to ask this of You. But please heed my cry. Please forgive me, Hashem.
G’mar Chatimah Tovah.