Crossroads

I don’t necessarily think Elul is a month of change.

I think Elul is about reflection. Inventory. Retrospection. Planning. Whatever you want to call it. My point is, these changes should probably be thought about carefully during Elul and not actually executed until the new year. But unfortunately, I’m one of those people who is pretty good at reflection and planning, but let’s be honest, I have problems on the “doing” front. I’m not a do-er. I’m scared of change. I fall back into the same easy routine, then become too sad to actually do anything about it. The longer a problem festers, the more motivation I lose.

But this time, I vow it’ll be different. I will change. I have to change. I need to change. A part of me is terrified, but another part of me wants to change right now. This minute. I want to throw of the shackles of stagnation and start being happy. But then again, I understand I need a bit of retrospection. I can’t go throwing-off-shackles if I’m not actually sure what freedom is. I need to examine. I need to plan. I need to write. And I need to think- just not for too long.

I guess that’s what Elul is for.

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2 thoughts on “Crossroads

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